Another year ending… another year beginning! It’s the season for potential celebration, change, growth, and movement. It is also the season for potential stress, sadness, and even loneliness. I know this time of the year can be very challenging in both good and bad ways for each of us; depending on where we are in our individual journeys. The winter holidays (i.e. Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, etc.) ideally are time of celebration, but can also be a time of challenge.

However, challenge is always… always an opportunity.

“An opportunity for what?” you may ask. A very good question, and a question we must ask ourselves every time we face any type of challenge. The answer, when we really dig deep in our hearts and minds, is the opportunity for ascending from our struggles and pain.

I know this is a relatively wild concept. But, the basis of my work, the work of my peers, my clients, and every human being on this planet in their self-growth is the facing of this challenge head on. We often wish life was a metaphorical elevator, but it is a staircase. We must take the steps forward and upward to overcome whatever pain we are carrying. The methods and tools to do so are wonderfully various and unique to the individual and their experience. As I have written in my previous newsletters, no one person is the same as the other, and so their therapy will always be different.

In writing this newsletter, I really want to emphasize the importance of individual discovery. One can’t just rely on others’ testimonies of success and healing. Don’t misunderstand me, consideration and reflection on other people’s experiences is essential. However, what is equally important is reflecting on your own story… your own tests… your own successes… your own feelings… all the things that make you a unique, special soul.

I often think that the most lost people are the ones who refuse to properly engage in self-reflection. We must look at the strengths and flaws that we possess, objectively and with determination and self-love. It can be painful at first, which throws many off, but the initial pain always… always passes with practice. Fear, conscious and subconscious, is usually what will tempt us to turn away and bury our heads back in the sands of repetitive, numb normality.

Like sailors in a storm, we must steer a course in our mindset forward. Or else, we may be swallowed by the tempest that we are carrying on our backs (i.e. trauma, grief, loss, bitterness, addiction, etc.). While processing our trauma, pain, and anything negative in the past or present, we must adopt the attitude of positive thinking and goal setting to step into a better future. At the same time, we must embrace the process of balancing our lives through boundaries, accountability, self-appreciation, self-care, empathy for others, and by focusing more on the beauty that surrounds us than on the ugliness we feel trapped in.

No matter how low you may feel, remember you have the power to lift yourself up. Not alone, not without help… but that power and potential still resides within you.

The first step is fanning that flame of hope, faith, and determination inside the depths of our hearts… to strengthen and guide us from within.

I wish you all nothing but the most transformative, blessed, and magical of holidays!

Lynne Penn-Leon LCSW-C

Greetings all!

So, around this time last year, you may recall I wrote on the theme of gratitude.  This was due, in no small part, to Thanksgiving holiday coming up.  Now that it is a year later, I feel the need to revisit this theme.

This is also due to the fall/winter holidays being my busiest periods as a therapist.  Family and social events, or the lack thereof, tend to bring out great sadness, stress, anxiety, and even anger among our community.  In revisiting the theme of gratitude, specifically in the lens of self-appreciation, I would like to do an inversion of last year's theme. In other words, instead of focusing on appreciating what we have on the outside (outside of our minds and bodies), I want to talk about focusing on being grateful for what we have on the “inside”.

I would encourage anyone reading this to consider, as we start to plunge into this time of the year, to take the time to look at themselves in the mirror each day. Not just literally, but figuratively, as well. In doing so, I would ask that each person write down or at least think in their heads of something that they enjoy seeing in themselves and are grateful for about who they are.  For example, it can start with finding one or more things about your appearance that you appreciate (i.e. your eyes, hair, voice, unique fashion, etc.).  It can and should also include something about your personality that you enjoy (i.e. your ability to make people laugh, your inner/outer strength, how you drive safely, how you talk to people on the phone etc.).  I know, I know it can be very difficult especially while going through difficult times. During trauma processing, depression, or high stress it can feel impossible to see oneself in a positive light. But, trust me, if you try hard enough… if you put your ego or low self-image aside, you can find something… then more things the by continuing to do this.  It is vital to perform this exercse, in some way shape or form, every day.

What we learn in our culture and in our lifestyle, here in the United States, is to compartmentalize our internal issues for the sake of productivity and material success. So, what gets neglected and compartmentalized?  If you answered mental and emotional well-being; you are correct.  So, I’m sure many of you are wondering, “how the heck do I do this mirror exercise when I don’t see anything I like?”  

The answer is simply doing it.  Practice makes perfect, especially practice with an open heart and mind.  Not just when you face a literal mirror, but anytime you catch yourself reflecting negatively, or just as bad, egotistically in your mind.  To clarify, ego is engaging only in maintaining an artificial/delusional image of self-importance, this leads to self-destruction just as much as the emotional masochism of constant self-criticism.  Either extreme doesn’t really allow yourself to accept unconditional love and its blessings, as well as its accountability.  It also hurts your ability to show unconditional love and its accountability to others, especially to those closest to you.

Think about it, especially in the context of the family and/or social gatherings that are coming this holiday.  Are you more excited to see you loved ones and receive their love, or are you an anxious mess?  Is this anxiety stemming from fear of being seen as less?  Perhaps, it is seeing family members or social acquaintances who bully you.  Or perhaps, you are the one who feels the need to criticize or dominate these events.  Why?  And if you are isolated during this time, and don’t have anyone to share this time with, as yourself both “why” and “how can I find surround myself with good people?”  The process of answering these questions hammers home just why it is so important to focus on being around those who truly uplift you, accept your love, and give their 110% back.  It is even more important that you start your own self-love, and how you treat others in your own reflection each day.  Force yourself to think hard about one thing you love about you.  As an additional assignment, find one person to smile at or show some act of service to, even if it a random stranger.  But remember, always start with yourself.  Appreciate yourself so you can appreciate others.

I wish you all a blessed holiday!

I’ve always thought of life as a series of pivots… or at least a series of potential events that can be used to pivot oneself to a higher, inner plane of strength, growth, love, and safety.  This is particularly true when reviewing both the major times of joy and even sorrow in one’s life.  Memories that bring strong emotion and thought to the forefront of the conscious mind can really be key chapters in our life story.
In my work in behavioral health, specifically trauma-based therapy, I have seen clients achieve the seemingly unachievable in their own self-growth and healing.  I have seen this, especially, when I have taken my clients through various exercises (i.e. NLP, meditation, EMI, etc.) that allow them to face the memories of events that have caused them the most joy and/or pain.  I think our lives and culture in the United States promotes of a mindset that is only focused on what we contribute to society, especially our professions.  This, unfortunately, results in self-reflection and care to often be put on ice and compartmentalizes moments/memories that deserve reflection.

How then does therapy address this hardwired thinking to cause a pivot?  A fair question, for which the answer is different for each individual.  For example, one client might get more out of actually writing down their process through journaling.  The process of privately writing down one’s inner thoughts and emotions, raw and uncensored, and then reading said entries can jump-start the reflective process for the conscious mind.  The act of writing has forced the conscious mind to collaborate with the subconscious mind… the treasure chest of memories.  

However, this is not true of all people.  Others might respond better to a more physical approach (i.e. eye movement desensitization reprocessing, EMDR).  In EMDR therapy, the body is able to connect to the brain and start lubricating it in its ability to be aware of the past and future separately.  Even still, there are many other forms of therapy that combine the physical with the mental.  Others even incorporate self-communication, goal-setting, self-challenges, etc.  At the end of the day, though, it really boils down to the individual’s personality, likes, dislikes, environments, etc.

So, to summarize, I think the approach that we as humans have to take in finding what form(s) of therapy (clinical and non-clinical) will help us process then pivot, is to start by getting to truly know ourselves.  One must find a concentrated way to ask questions such as: “Who am I?”  “What do I like about myself and others?” “What do I dislike about myself and others?” “What is my purpose?”  “Who has the most influence over my time and energy?” and “Who do I aspire to be?”
These questions are rarely easy to answer, especially during the initial processing stage.  But, the questions, answers, and everything in-between must be figured out, or the individual will live their life with confusion, misdirection, and even pain and regret.

With that in mind, this is the reason I chose the name: Pivot’s Potential for our practice.  Because every client my team and I see is looking for their pivot… whether they know it or not.  And it is our job, as providers, to help offer them useful tools/resources and inspire them to achieve their own pivot through their potential.  At the end of the day, you are your own key to success in inner healing!

Wishing you all nothing but the best!

Vida Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C
 

According to the National Library of Medicine, most non-critical wounds take 4 to 6 weeks on average to heal from.*  I've always been fascinated by the human body's ability to heal from wounds even when it requires medical assistance (i.e. procedures, medications, herbal/ holistic supplements, etc.) to do so.  In my field, of course, my primary focus as it relates to healing has more to do with the brain, emotions, and consciousness. When it comes to mental illness, I approach the healing process in a similar manner as that of a physical wound. In other words, the healing process requires specific tools, treatments, and, most importantly, time to really work.

As a trauma specialist, this is particularly notable in how PTSD, CPTSD, DID, and other trauma-related conditions go through the healing process.  Like physical wounds, the origin of each of these conditions lies in tracing their history back to a specific event or events that have essentially wounded the consciousness.  As with physical recovery, mental recovery requires a progressive approach which prioritizes safety and environment first and foremost. I establish that a client is not a danger to themselves or others.  After that, the real heavy-duty exploration of what is needed to continue the healing process begins.

There is very little in this life that is more challenging than healing from non-visible wounds.  For one thing unless one’s trauma is related to an obvious physical ailment or disability, general society will not be able to visibly notice and/or understand how much pain a trauma survivor can be in. Many survivors have struggles with maintaining a "functioning" or "normal" lifestyle because of their untreated pain. Until they get to the point where they find a process that allows for full inner-healing; they can feel very stuck, misunderstood, and even rejected by society.

The good news of all this, though, is that I seen so many people in my work, and even outside of my work, make tremendous, miraculous stride in the process of inner healing.  One key element that allows healing to really take hold is to understand and love oneself.  I am not referring to ego or negative self-indulgence at all.  Rather, I refer to loving oneself as one would unconditionally love a spouse, child, best friend, etc.  A love that is supportive, but also holds one’s behavior accountable.  A love that understands mistakes are essential to learning, and will encourage oneself to give their all to avoid repeating the same mistakes.  A love that also allows one to love others more strongly and unconditionally, as well.

If you take nothing else from this newsletter other than the importance of prioritizing self-care and self-love, that’s all I care about!  It really is a simple, but powerful, and long-term process that is cemented by also having the right people in your life (i.e., positive family members, counselors, friends, co-workers, etc.).  To love and be loved is so universally important!

Wishing you all nothing but the best!

Vida Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C
 

I have a theory regarding how the human brain works when it responds to obstacles, especially criticism.  I think when criticism is upbeat/constructive/positive, it usually motivates us to improve and grow.  However, when it is harsh/over-the-top/negative, we tend to take it at face value, and let it weigh us down from really moving forward.

The hard reality about the world we live in, is that other people are always going to criticize, judge, demand, and respond to our actions in a negative way.  Not all people and not all situations will emit this response, but many will.  Sometimes, they are right, sometimes they are wrong.  Sometimes they are right about certain details, while being completely out of line with others.  What’s really more important is how we respond to such attitudes.  

Most of the time, we want to defend ourselves.  In many cases we have good reason to.  However, I would argue that rather than getting defensive, or letting criticism weigh you down… there is a healthier approach.  It is, in a word, determination.  Of course, determination by itself is not enough.  Rather, I mean to suggest that determination as a self-reflective attitude, both open to truths we may need to hear from those who mean well and closed off to lies that have been used to control us by bullies.  

To my mind, determination is a mindset that focuses on achieving a goal regardless of the obstacles that may come in the way.  I would also add to that by saying that rather than ignoring the obstacles or seeking to defy them… we should be aware of what they are, why there are there, and how we can use them to motivate us to move forward rather than to get stuck.  For example, one obstacle as it relates to criticism can be a the people in your life, professional or personal, who has seen you at your struggle to achieve a goal.  This individual might, even out of complete empathy and concern, try to suggest or demand that you give up a certain goal for you own mental/physical health’s sake.  In this instance, I would suggest putting yourself in their shoes to see what about their point, if anything, is valid.  

That being said, I would also reflect on your own goal: what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and how you have been attempting to thus far.  Just by reflecting on these things, and trying to see multiple sides of an obstacle and/or criticism will really help you consider much you likely haven’t before.  It doesn’t mean you or the other party are completely right or wrong.  Regardless of what conclusion you come to, remember not to cast determination aside due to others’ disapproval, concern or even more malicious attitudes (i.e. jealousy, control, projection of their issues on to you, etc.).  Hold on to your determination, as long as you are open to finding ways to achieve your goals in a way that will empower yourself and others, and not hurt your sense of balance.

On that note, determination without consideration, reflection, and self-analysis runs the risk of throwing us off balance.  This is the other key point, that I wish to stress.  If you are hitting a brick wall with any goal (i.e. work, health, relationship, spiritual goals), don’t let your determination drive you into trying too hard.  This can lead to heavy internal and external fatigue.  Often you have to mentally and/or physically step away briefly from certain aspects of your life to get a breather, and your heart and mind to rest and reset.  Then, when you revisit the goal in question, you can approach it with an even clearer mind and more open heart.

I wish you all nothing but the best, as always!

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C
 

Like many Americans, I was exposed to many elements of the Christian faith in my upbringing.  While these days, I am more focused on universal truth and the spiritual side of faith rather than the religious side, there are things from my religious education that have stuck.  Perhaps the most positive thing I was taught was a quote attributed to St. Paul of Tarsus. It is in the New Testament in one of his letters to the Thesselonian church/community.  wherein he instructs those suffering to, “rejoice evermore.”

I always found that instruction to be fascinating.  How in the midst of suffering in our lives can we retain joy?  Logically, it makes sense that joy can and should disappear during times of loss, trauma, abuse, sorrow, or anything negative.  Being a trauma therapist, I hear many stories of various, horrible abuses and experiences that have scarred the minds (and even bodies) of my clients.  This really makes me ponder how such a concept or attitude can even be possible.  However, even after decades of being a provider, I still find myself inspired by my clients to return to that theme of rejoicing daily, no matter what happens.  Of course, this has only come through years of analyzing and practicing the concept of joy in my own daily life.  

The first place I had to start in my analysis was really understanding what joy meant for me.  I started, of course, with the literal definition of the word in the English language. According to Dictionary.com, joy is not just a noun in reference to positive feelings of happiness but also a verb that correlates with the word rejoice*.  Rejoice is defined as, "to be glad; take delight [or] to rejoice in another's happiness."  It is also defined as "to make joyful; gladden: a song to rejoice the heart."**

When focusing on the concept of Joy, or rather, “Rejoicing” as an action, I feel like I began to understand the truth behind the religious teaching that I was exposed to in St Paul's writings.  In my interpretation this relates to attitude.  Attitude truly is everything.  It not only directs our responses to good and bad things that happen to us in life… but also can transform bad experiences into good ones.  However, the concept of rejoicing is, I think, not a strong one for us as human beings, especially, in the U.S.  We are essentially taught that the material success equates to joy and happiness.  In other words, the more you have the happier you are.

I think this is a distortion.  While the material can and should help our positive attitudes… by itself it is not enough.  Certainly, in trying times, the absence of the material can make us feel as though we are in hellish state.  Also, even with an abundance of material, there can still be deep, internal dysfunction.  I think that looking at everything (i.e. spiritual, relational, emotional, physical, etc.) internal and external is what strengthens joy.  And the place that we must start is with our self-love.  

When I say, “self-love”, don’t mean to suggest selfishness or an ego-driven, narcissistic obsession to strengthen joy.  I mean, rather, to simply look for the beauty within.  We must ask questions like: “What am I good at?”  “How do I affect those around me?”  “How do others affect me?” “What do I have control of?”  “What must I let go of?” and so forth.  Starting the journey of inner healing and growth is the first step toward finding the process of being in more consistent state of joy.  It is rarely instantaneous, but like any good investment, it is worth it.  The more we reprogram our hearts and minds to see the positive in and outside of ourselves, the easier it is to access that joy.

I wish you all nothing but said joy and happiness!

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C

*https://www.dictionary.com/browse/joy

**https://www.dictionary.com/browse/rejoice

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

May 1st, 2023

Topic of the Month: Grief

How do we process loss?  Can loss even be processed?  When we lose someone we love, a job we are passionate about, members of a community we are close to, or even a possession that had deep meaning… it feels as if a part of us has been lost too.  

Not every loss is the same or affects us the same.  The universally recognized stages of grief are generally listed as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  In my experience as a therapist and as a human being, I can tell you that those stages are rarely uniform.  Sometimes they manifest completely different order.  Most of them can come in different degrees of intensity.  All of this varies by the type of loss/grief and the personality of the person suffering it.

One thing is always the same, though.  Grief is never easy.  And it, certainly, cannot be rushed or slowed down.  It just comes.  It is the brain/consciousness’ way of responding to a major shock of change and/or loss.  For example, when we lose a beloved parent… we don’t just fear losing a dear friend and mentor… but a piece of our past.  When losing a child or grandchild… we feel as though we are losing our future.  When losing a job, relationship, house… anything that we believe makes us who we are… we feel we have lost our present identity.

The mind has to process this shock in time and in the emotional stages that naturally come.  Make sure if you are going through the grieving process, you are being gentle to yourself, and holding close your loved ones who are understanding/empathetic.  Take your time to process in quiet or in action… alone and with others.  Voice your needs and your feelings verbally and by writing them down.  And remember, there is no exact method or outcome that can be forced on you.  You are the one to process this and decide what comes out of your experience.  You are the one to find what you need to help process.  

However… this does not mean you are alone.  If there is one “good” or “positive” thing that can come out of grief, it is the knowledge that you are not alone.  Even if you have no remaining close friends or relatives… there are others grieving and suffering around you.  Many who are experiencing the same symptoms of grief as you.  You need only look on Facebook to find a wonderfully rich number of grief support groups.  Or, even look for ones that meet in person in your local community.  It need not even be that formal.  If you simply pay attention to others in your daily life: at your job, church, community center, neighborhood, etc… Trust me, you will find others hurting.

That, I would say, is the most important part of processing grief: maintaining some level of communication with others.  Not feeling alone is monumental in allowing yourself to feel your emotions with a centered mindset.  It could be as simple as texting someone (i.e. friend, family member, support group member, counselor, etc.) for a few minutes each day.  But, feeling the presence of those around you emotionally and/or physically really is what I always recommend to my clients.

Remember there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.  There is only the inevitable process and going through that process with the support of others.

I wish any of you with the burden of grief nothing but complete healing, connection, and most importantly… peace.

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C
 

I’ve always thought that the term “trigger” was an appropriate one when referring to an activating event for the mind.  Triggers are activators that can cause the mind and body to panic, feel overwhelmed, and/or jump into a fight-or-flight response.  Even though the severity of a trigger can vary by person and by situation, the metaphor of a gun being fired in the air by said, “trigger” is very appropriate.  

Triggers have the ability to really throw our minds and bodies into a bad place.  A place of reliving a past trauma or, really, any negative memory, conscious or subconscious.  The metaphorical gun or bomb that has been triggered often hits the nerves hard, can shock the body, and send the brain to a place of a fearful, instinctive, but, usually, irrational response.  A trigger can cause a person to forget where they are, and even who they are talking to.  Certain reactions to triggers can be so extreme, it can come across as paranoid, defensive, and/or manic.  However, there is so much more going on the mind than that.

Honestly, I think most if not all people struggle with psychological triggers to, at least, some degree. Just collectively thinking in that regard can help us all do some serious, internal examination.  And it can strengthen our empathy for others. Just existing in the world that we live in … even with just suffering “normal/inevitable” traumas (i.e. illness, death, grief in response to loss, etc.).  These things affect every individual, regardless of class, race, gender, nationality, etc.  The world can be a very dark, dangerous place.  I’m not suggesting that everybody experiences the same types of traumatic events, or the same levels or degrees of trauma.  We don’t.  Everyone is unique and so are their negative experiences.  Still, in all my years as a therapist, I have not had one client who has dug deep and not found at least one traumatic event in their past.  It’s usually more than one.  As a result, all of my clients do, in fact, experience triggers that affect their lives negatively. 

What is so tricky about learning how to treat, respond, to and process triggers in a positive way is that they often happen without the individual consciously realizing it.  As I mentioned before, the brain tends to go into autopilot.  It also, unintentionally, disassociates, on some level, during or after the activating event.  Triggers can also be caused anything.  I mean literally, anything related to the trauma.  From an argument with your boss which reminds you of an abusive authority figure from childhood (i.e. an abusive parent or teacher); to simply smelling the perfume or cologne in a public place on a random person that your abusive ex used to wear… anything can cause a trigger.

I know this sounds incredibly frightening, but the good news is that triggers, like any other psychological struggle, can be overcome.  Usually therapy is essential, not just in talking about triggers and trauma, though.  My experience has taught me, and many of my fellow therapists, that intensive, focused, neurologically-aware, and meditative therapy is the most effective approach.  Sometimes a trigger can be overcome almost immediately after it is recognized.   Others take up to months or years.  It really depends on the trauma that it is associated with.

So, the main question is, what is the, "right" way to process triggers?  This is a difficult question because no two people are exactly alike, as I mentioned earlier.  However, the following is a list of some common and effective tools my clients and I have found in our work together:

⦁    Journaling or keeping some type of log, especially in the beginning of the process, can really help one become more self-aware.  It also helps process memories that cause triggers in the first place.  It can also speed the process up, but in a healthy, self-paced way.
⦁    Ask for those you trust to hold you accountable if they see you acting in a triggered or disassociated state.  However, be careful who you choose to help you in that regard.  Ideally, it should be people who love you and support you unconditionally (i.e. spouse, parent, best friend, therapist, mentor, etc.).  
⦁    If you feel off or threatened, remember… triggers are the easiest things to be scared of.  Nothing comes close, I promise.  All fear comes from things we have experienced or have seen others experience.  In that sense, fear itself is more of a response to triggers than the cause of them.  As you embrace this thought, you will begin the process of balance.  
⦁    What you will be balancing is the past trauma with the present reality.  You are learning how to be safe in the present, without the past impairing your judgement or actions.  Conversely, it will help you remember just how safe you are with the positive people and things in your life.
⦁    Be patient with yourself and others.  It’s easy to get frustrated with oneself when their therapist or loved one says the oft-repeated, “Hey, it’s ok.  You’re just triggered.”  There is often guilt, unintentional denial, and mental/emotional fatigue.  That fatigue is usually due to the rotten feeling of being tired of the process every time another trigger comes up.  But, I promise, it gets better.  And the more open and focused you are in dealing with your triggers, the faster the process gets as well.  
⦁    And, remember, those who are in your corner are coming from a place of legitimate concern and support.  Even if they are incorrect or unintentionally over-zealous.  Just caring for someone else who is hurting can affect the caregiver by empathy alone.  Remember that, not to attack yourself, but to understand where they are coming from.  So much healing happens when we start reconnecting with our loved ones/safe people.  They are hard to find.  But when you do find them, you will also find they are on your team always!  And you are the same for them!
⦁    Find a therapist that practices EMDR or EMI so you can properly work through any triggers or traumas that may be keeping you stuck in your life!

I really want to end this newsletter on that note.  Remember, as human beings, we have the power to turn our hardest struggles into our most powerful strengths.  It is never achieved alone, and takes time and effort.  But healing from one’s triggers is one of the most essential places to start in therapy!

I wish you all the best, 

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C 

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

March 7th, 2023

Topic of the Month: Meditation

Merriam Webster defines the word “meditate” as meaning “to engage in contemplation and reflection,” and, “to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness.”*

I’ve always liked how the dictionary emphasizes on both the psychological and spiritual themes of meditation.  In all my years of treating clients, I have found that encouraging them to engage in some form of meditation has often allowed them to not just find a moment of peace in their daily life.  It can also literal create new neural pathways in their minds.

This is especially helpful with trauma survivors, but can also be used for anyone experiencing any form of psychological struggle (i.e. anxiety, depression, anger management, etc.).  The real question is what style of meditation is right, and to what degree?  This varies by the individual client, but I can list several common features that most all of them find helpful from implementing meditation into their daily lives.

⦁     Mediation cannot really be effectively accomplished by multitasking it with anything else or with lots of stimuli.  The very nature of meditation is to go inward.  When starting on this journey, it is vital to find a place with few distractions.  The mind needs to focus on itself and on the body that it is housed in.
⦁    Calm sound can be helpful.  Whether you are into a Buddhist bowls, meditative music, or even nature sounds, choosing the right sounds/auditory frequencies that put your body at ease can assist the mind in entering a strong meditative state. 
⦁    Like auditory… certain visual stimuli can also prove helpful.  A painting, photo, or even just looking at the wall in a room that brings you peace can really make or break time set aside for mediation.  The same is true of smell or the absence thereof (i.e. scented candles, a diffuser, or just limited, but clean scents in the space set aside for the meditation).
⦁    While engaging the senses in a safe manner is often helpful, sometimes not stimulating them is a better option.  If you are feeling hypersensitive or are having trouble on focusing or releasing, it probably means less stimuli is needed.  For example, I sometimes advise clients to close their eyes during their meditation instead of looking at anything.
⦁    Incorporating Individual Philosophy/Religion into meditation can also be very helpful.  Whatever your faith or worldview, the things you find most assuring about your overall outlook on life and the universe need to be strengthened and reinforced during meditation.  It may not seem like exercise, but in a way, it is for mind/consciousness.  The world we live in has lots of noise, arguments, debates, stresses, and just overall distortion that prevents us from focusing on what is important.  Pretty much all belief systems I work with (Spirtual and non-spiritual), all find peace in several truths:
⦁    Refusing to engage in destructive behaviors.
⦁    Focusing on self-love and love toward others.
⦁    Replacing the fragile ego into the central self.
⦁    Acknowledging that God, the Universe, collective humanity, and/or that “bigger” thing that surrounds us can respond to and strengthen us based on the actions, attitudes and the energy we emit toward it/them.  

And that’s it!  The key is to get to know yourself, and figure out what things ground you the most, especially when alone in your thoughts.  Meditation is just as much about achieving self-love/awareness as it is finding internal peace and comfort.  I also recommend finding a good meditative specialist if you are not familiar with the process.  Do your homework, find the best tools, customize them to your personality, and then embark on an amazing inner adventure!  
  
Lynne Penn-Leon LCSW-C

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

February 20th, 2023

Topic of the Month: Boundaries

I've always thought of relationship boundaries as a kind of gate.  One which doesn't burn a bridge, but is patrolled by actions and words.  Even though the boundary is set, people can still be let in.  However, this is at the discretion of the boundary-setter. 

We've all been there with "toxic" people.  Those who have used/abused us, in some shape or form.  Those who have hurt us, stolen from us, or tried to attack us.  Most abusers get away with this by not being physical in their abuse.  But words, and actions can still scar our souls and break our spirits as much as any kick or slap.

So, the question is, as we heal from our pain… how do we keep ourselves from being hurt the same way again?
How do we forgive without enabling?  How do we not hold on to hate while letting bad relationships go?

The answer to these questions, in short, is the utilization of boundaries.  The idea is to create a protective barrier for our hearts and minds.  When others maliciously hurt us, we cannot give them a chance to do so again.

We have to remind ourselves that we do not deserve to be abused.  We have to hold ourselves accountable for how we choose to continue to interact with destructive people.  Sometimes it can be as extreme as telling them that we do not want to be around them anymore.  Or, in less extreme cases, telling them that we will only interact with them under certain conditions (i.e. group events, meetings with mediator, etc.).

Most bullies will try to test our boundaries when we start putting them down.  Many will not take it seriously.  The key response when this happens is to tell them that there will be consequences if they continue to violate boundaries.  What those consequences are really depends on the situation.  For example, they can range from going to court to get a peace order to simply blocking a toxic person’s social media profile from your own.

I think the reason why it is hard for most people to put boundaries down is that abusers work hard to make it seem like we, the victims, are the problem.  However, you need only look at your abusers’ other relationships to see how they treat others the same way.  Trust me, if they are the problem… you will find a pattern.  Guilt has no place in this process.  If anything, staying true to yourself/your boundaries, when you know you are being abused, can help inspire those around you to do the same.

In my opinion it is also essential to find forgiveness in your heart toward your enemies.  However, it is also my opinion forgiveness does not include reconciliation and certainly not forgetting past abuses.  Forgiveness also does not include letting those boundaries down.  Those things can accompany forgiveness, but they are not and should not be a package deal.  Each abuser and boundary has to be processed on a case-by-case basis.  

Remember, at the end of the day, you have to care for yourself and those you are responsible for.  Boundaries are for your and their mental, emotional, and even physical health and safety.  Boundaries also allow forgiveness and healing to occur in a more centered and complete fashion.  

Sometimes the best way to love our enemies is to love them from a healthy distance.

Lynne Penn-Leon LCSW-C

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

January 24th, 2023

Topic of the Month: New Beginnings

It’s that time of the year.  The start of a New Year!  Many a celebration… many a resolution… many an excited, yet nervous eye looking toward that inevitable truth that the future is now the present.

I think this is one of the reasons why we often make resolutions on or after the New Year Holiday.  When we watch the Times Square Ball Drop… our human minds view each New Year as a potential, new beginning.  This makes sense given that as a collective human community, we are entering in a literal, new era every 12 months.

All of this in a positive, goal-oriented mindset is wonderful, joyful thing.  It can even lead to powerful psychological and spiritual experiences.  At the same time, for many, as the days start go by… as we return to our jobs after vacation holiday… as we start to get those bill reminders… As we drive to work that day after the first bad day of work that always seems to happen before the first month of the year is even over… that joy, if it was even there to begin with, starts to fade.  Then a month turns into a quarter… then we are at 6 months… then we are right back where we started.  We are left wondering how in the world a year could pass by so quickly.  And the process repeats.

For some, this can and does often make life feel like a never-ending cycle of not having enough time to accomplish our goals.  By extension, this makes us feel that time is not human-friendly.  The older we get, the faster the clock seems to spin.  We then start to fear becoming older, abandoned, and bitter.

Yet, as the clock ticks… we can process time in such a way where it doesn’t feel like it is going too fast for us.  The key is treating each day… each hour… each second as a new beginning. Basically, treating each day as a New Years Day.  

By reaffirming our goals, and focusing on doing something each day towards them… even just a few minutes… you will see that time is gift for the human soul.  It is a gift that we are given every second of every day.  It is just a question of shifting our attitudes and taking action upon it.  Our life is like an empty book that we have the responsibility to write and fill with our actions, thoughts, and decisions.

It is truly remarkable what the human mind and spirit can do, once it realizes its potential.  Especially, when we view each year, each month, each day, each minute… as a new beginning.  Every second we are breathing means that the hard present is becoming the past and the potential for a golden future is awaiting us.  The secret to achieving that is a combination of patience, determination, self-awareness, positive relationships with others, and connection to the universe around us.

I hope any and all who read this newsletter walk away from it with the confidence that nothing is impossible.  May this New Year of Life bless you with the confidence to make the changes, achieve the goals, and strengthen the love in your hearts!  Remember, even if it seems like a hard year and/or the past few years have been hard… that hardship can be transformed into motivation to finally get out of whatever pit we feel stuck in.

Happy New Year to one and all!

Lynne Penn-Leon LCSW-C

Winter is here!

And the Winter Holidays are here!

In my last newsletter, I wrote about gratitude.  This was in large part due to the Thanksgiving holiday.  For the holidays occurring this month, I really had to think hard about doing a different topic.  Initially, I considered revisiting the November theme.  However, as this month has gone by, the topic that has been on my mind and heart has been about preparation and manifestation instead.

Part of the reason I am drawn to the idea of preparation is partially due to Christmas often being a stressful instead of fun holiday.  For most of us, we are busy in December wrapping presents, writing cards, and planning family/community events.  These are all wonderful things, in and of themselves.  Sadly, the stress of trying to do a lot in one month, while working, can prevent us from really enjoying the holidays. 

This winter, I decided to do things differently, due to stress during the holidays in years past.  What I did was to plan ahead for the holidays a month early, instead of trying to figure it all out during the weeks of.  I have to say, making that change has been a wonderful adjustment!  It has allowed me to feel more relaxed and really enjoy the holidays.  It has also made more open to be in the moment when spending time with loved ones.

I am not suggesting that everything can or should be planned ahead for the holidays.  I am, however, pointing out that taking time to try to prepare as much as reasonably possible can make a huge difference in lowering stress levels.  For example, my husband and I created a spreadsheet of all the people we wanted to spend time with and send gifts/cards too in November.  We also used our Google Calendar to help keep track of all the events that we have wanted to attend.  In addition to this, we also put written reminders down to “enjoy ourselves” and focus on “self-care” while doing all of those things. 

There is something very powerful when we put things down in writing, whether on a computer spreadsheet or a handwritten notepad, that helps us, as human beings, to prepare for busy times.  It also seems to help to manifest our dreams and goals, overall.  Even when I decided to start Pivots’ Potential LLC as a practice, I found that putting my goals on paper helped me prepare and manifest my client base.  It didn’t happen right away.  But, once I started making it real by putting it on paper…  my goals began to become reality much faster.

Not everyone’s process is the same.  And each person has different tools to organize and prepare.  And life inevitably throws us surprises.  And yet almost all success stories I have heard or experienced have come from someone committing to a goal and making it as real as possible in the moment.  We really do have more power over our destiny than the world would have us believe!  Nothing is truly impossible!  With humility and grace mixed with determination and that special dash of preparation/manifestation, human beings can really make the impossible possible.  I see it all the time in my life, my clients’ lives, and my loved ones’ lives. 

I wish everyone and anyone who reads this nothing but the best.  I hope it helps to make your holiday more enjoyable, and helps you manifest your goals, overall, for the whole year… every year!

Happy Holidays to you all!

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

November 8, 2022

Topic of the Month: Gratitude

Thanksgiving is coming!  Also, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa and the other fall/winter holidays are not far behind.  During this time, we often emphasize fellowship with family/loved ones.  We also focus on things like cooking, and prepping for large, seasonal, religious and/or community events.

All of these things are so wonderful in and of themselves.  Sadly, however, many people don’t have the ability to celebrate in the way many of us that live comfortably are able to.  And, even though those of us that are able to celebrate in the “normal” way often find ourselves stressed out trying to prep for the event side of holidays, instead of taking the time to enjoy ourselves and hold those we love closely.

Thanksgiving is a perfect example of a holiday that, on paper, is supposed to be a time of gratitude and family gathering.  This year, I would like to see everyone look back on the previous Thanksgivings that they have had over the years.  As you look back, ask yourself, “Did I feel any joy or gratitude?”  I certainly hope that you are all able to say, “yes.”  For those of you that are not able to say that, please focus on trying to change that this year.  

There is a reason why the word “thanks” is part of “Thanksgiving.”  I am not suggesting that it is easy for all of us to be thankful.  If anything, I acknowledge that the process of being thankful is just that… a process.
The way we are raised, especially in our nation and culture is that we must acquire the material to be successful, happy, and thankful.  If we are lacking in any way, by the world’s standards, it tends to make us bitter.  However, when we take that time, energy, and focus from what we don’t have… and use it instead to look at what we do have… I have a feeling that that would really make this time of thanksgiving very special for a lot of people.

In other words, we can create a chain reaction.  Those with much who embrace humility and gratitude instead of ego and material consumption become more centered and share more of what they have with others.  And it moves down.  From them to those less fortunate than them, and so on and so on.  Gratitude breeds giving and giving breeds blessings, and blessings breed joy.  It’s almost a chemical mixture of positive energy.  I am always glad to see non-profits who work during the holidays to remind us of this, especially around December.

And as we look at what we have… we then also look at who we have.  This is the most important consideration of all.  The thing we are most grateful for, deep down, is positive connections to the people around us.  When we see those who love us unconditionally, we see their constant support, affection, encouragement and it means the world to us.  We must remember to express that gratitude to those people for their love on a consistent basis in our daily communication for them.  All too often we take for granted the positive people in our lives, as we seek to please an indifferent world.  We then forget that it is only the positive relationships we have that matter.  

 
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!

Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C

Food For Thought Newsletter: 

October 13, 2022

Topic of the Month: Healthy Communication

People often ask me, “How do you deal with talking to people about their problems all day?”  The thing that they don’t often realize is that that question has its answer already in it.  We talk.  We talk.  It is a conversation… a dialogue that requires the parties involved to equally participate.  This allows both therapist and client to express, analyze, and then strategize an effective treatment plan.

This is not just in regard to my work with clients.  In my overall daily life: chatting with my family and friends, talking with other professionals in my field, and even finally getting through to a customer service agent about one of my bills, requires a lot of energy, patience, and thought.

In an era of instant messaging and social media, I think we as human beings, are becoming less accustomed to the essentials needed in communication.  The classic joke, which sadly happens all too often, is the one friend texting the other perfectly calmly.  While the other friend is frustrated and furious over misinterpreting a letter, word, symbol, or even incorrectly auto-adjusted phrase that completely ruins the context in which it was meant.

It is vital for all of us, whether in behavioral health or any other area of everyday life to prioritize that we communicate clearly and effectively.  And I believe this can be done in several ways.

⦁     Speak one at a time.  Sometimes multiple voices at once is not always bad: i.e. finishing each other’s sentences in close relationships.  However, when getting to know someone and building trust, even in close relationships, it is very important to make sure that each person is being heard.  If you don’t feel a person is listening to you, call it out gently.  Ask them what is on their mind and if later would be a better time to talk.  You’d be surprised how many people honestly don’t mean to cut you off, and will respond well to you pointing it out.  Do the same for them.  Try to give each person, in the conversation individual time to express their thoughts and feelings.  This is also a huge way of diffusing potential arguments.

⦁    When you are not talking… listen.  More often than not people just sort of hear each other’s words as a muffled voice while they are already formulating their responses based on only key words/phrases the other person is saying.  Take the time to clear your head and really try to take in what the other person is saying, especially when they are being vulnerable.  True listening is hearing and absorbing what the other party is expressing.  Sort of like how when we watch a good movie/tv series, listen to a great song, or see a captivating play, we surrender our attention to try to appreciate or at least process what we are hearing and seeing.  We don’t have to agree or even condone what is being expressed, but we need to practice more of effective listening before responding.

⦁    Think before we speak.  This can be hard, especially when passions are high.  Arguing is most often caused by knee-jerk reactions to trigger words or expressions that upset us.  When two people or more get going, it’s like a runaway freight train.  Just like the other steps listed, this third step is key in helping prevent or diffuse aggression in communication.  Even if the other party is way out of line, it is so important to not lose your head.  We all have our bad days, myself included.  But, the more we practice pacing ourselves, and thinking of an empathetic, structured, and calm ways of expressing our own words, the more effective at communication we will be.

Each of these steps is applicable in most forms of communication: talking by phone, texting, video chat, etc.  It’s just a matter of customizing them to the platform being used.  I will say, however, that after my many years as a therapist, face to face communication in person or by video chat is the most effective.  You get the person’s face, voice, body language, and so on to observe and react to.  

On a side note, observing body language is a very important tool too, but I’ll dive into that more in the future newsletters.

I wish the best for you all, and have a Happy Halloween!

Lynne Penn-Leon LCSW-C