Greetings all!
So, around this time last year, you may recall I wrote on the theme of gratitude. This was due, in no small part, to Thanksgiving holiday coming up. Now that it is a year later, I feel the need to revisit this theme.
This is also due to the fall/winter holidays being my busiest periods as a therapist. Family and social events, or the lack thereof, tend to bring out great sadness, stress, anxiety, and even anger among our community. In revisiting the theme of gratitude, specifically in the lens of self-appreciation, I would like to do an inversion of last year's theme. In other words, instead of focusing on appreciating what we have on the outside (outside of our minds and bodies), I want to talk about focusing on being grateful for what we have on the “inside”.
I would encourage anyone reading this to consider, as we start to plunge into this time of the year, to take the time to look at themselves in the mirror each day. Not just literally, but figuratively, as well. In doing so, I would ask that each person write down or at least think in their heads of something that they enjoy seeing in themselves and are grateful for about who they are. For example, it can start with finding one or more things about your appearance that you appreciate (i.e. your eyes, hair, voice, unique fashion, etc.). It can and should also include something about your personality that you enjoy (i.e. your ability to make people laugh, your inner/outer strength, how you drive safely, how you talk to people on the phone etc.). I know, I know it can be very difficult especially while going through difficult times. During trauma processing, depression, or high stress it can feel impossible to see oneself in a positive light. But, trust me, if you try hard enough… if you put your ego or low self-image aside, you can find something… then more things the by continuing to do this. It is vital to perform this exercse, in some way shape or form, every day.
What we learn in our culture and in our lifestyle, here in the United States, is to compartmentalize our internal issues for the sake of productivity and material success. So, what gets neglected and compartmentalized? If you answered mental and emotional well-being; you are correct. So, I’m sure many of you are wondering, “how the heck do I do this mirror exercise when I don’t see anything I like?”
The answer is simply doing it. Practice makes perfect, especially practice with an open heart and mind. Not just when you face a literal mirror, but anytime you catch yourself reflecting negatively, or just as bad, egotistically in your mind. To clarify, ego is engaging only in maintaining an artificial/delusional image of self-importance, this leads to self-destruction just as much as the emotional masochism of constant self-criticism. Either extreme doesn’t really allow yourself to accept unconditional love and its blessings, as well as its accountability. It also hurts your ability to show unconditional love and its accountability to others, especially to those closest to you.
Think about it, especially in the context of the family and/or social gatherings that are coming this holiday. Are you more excited to see you loved ones and receive their love, or are you an anxious mess? Is this anxiety stemming from fear of being seen as less? Perhaps, it is seeing family members or social acquaintances who bully you. Or perhaps, you are the one who feels the need to criticize or dominate these events. Why? And if you are isolated during this time, and don’t have anyone to share this time with, as yourself both “why” and “how can I find surround myself with good people?” The process of answering these questions hammers home just why it is so important to focus on being around those who truly uplift you, accept your love, and give their 110% back. It is even more important that you start your own self-love, and how you treat others in your own reflection each day. Force yourself to think hard about one thing you love about you. As an additional assignment, find one person to smile at or show some act of service to, even if it a random stranger. But remember, always start with yourself. Appreciate yourself so you can appreciate others.
I wish you all a blessed holiday!