I’ve always thought that the term “trigger” was an appropriate one when referring to an activating event for the mind. Triggers are activators that can cause the mind and body to panic, feel overwhelmed, and/or jump into a fight-or-flight response. Even though the severity of a trigger can vary by person and by situation, the metaphor of a gun being fired in the air by said, “trigger” is very appropriate.
Triggers have the ability to really throw our minds and bodies into a bad place. A place of reliving a past trauma or, really, any negative memory, conscious or subconscious. The metaphorical gun or bomb that has been triggered often hits the nerves hard, can shock the body, and send the brain to a place of a fearful, instinctive, but, usually, irrational response. A trigger can cause a person to forget where they are, and even who they are talking to. Certain reactions to triggers can be so extreme, it can come across as paranoid, defensive, and/or manic. However, there is so much more going on the mind than that.
Honestly, I think most if not all people struggle with psychological triggers to, at least, some degree. Just collectively thinking in that regard can help us all do some serious, internal examination. And it can strengthen our empathy for others. Just existing in the world that we live in … even with just suffering “normal/inevitable” traumas (i.e. illness, death, grief in response to loss, etc.). These things affect every individual, regardless of class, race, gender, nationality, etc. The world can be a very dark, dangerous place. I’m not suggesting that everybody experiences the same types of traumatic events, or the same levels or degrees of trauma. We don’t. Everyone is unique and so are their negative experiences. Still, in all my years as a therapist, I have not had one client who has dug deep and not found at least one traumatic event in their past. It’s usually more than one. As a result, all of my clients do, in fact, experience triggers that affect their lives negatively.
What is so tricky about learning how to treat, respond, to and process triggers in a positive way is that they often happen without the individual consciously realizing it. As I mentioned before, the brain tends to go into autopilot. It also, unintentionally, disassociates, on some level, during or after the activating event. Triggers can also be caused anything. I mean literally, anything related to the trauma. From an argument with your boss which reminds you of an abusive authority figure from childhood (i.e. an abusive parent or teacher); to simply smelling the perfume or cologne in a public place on a random person that your abusive ex used to wear… anything can cause a trigger.
I know this sounds incredibly frightening, but the good news is that triggers, like any other psychological struggle, can be overcome. Usually therapy is essential, not just in talking about triggers and trauma, though. My experience has taught me, and many of my fellow therapists, that intensive, focused, neurologically-aware, and meditative therapy is the most effective approach. Sometimes a trigger can be overcome almost immediately after it is recognized. Others take up to months or years. It really depends on the trauma that it is associated with.
So, the main question is, what is the, "right" way to process triggers? This is a difficult question because no two people are exactly alike, as I mentioned earlier. However, the following is a list of some common and effective tools my clients and I have found in our work together:
⦁ Journaling or keeping some type of log, especially in the beginning of the process, can really help one become more self-aware. It also helps process memories that cause triggers in the first place. It can also speed the process up, but in a healthy, self-paced way.
⦁ Ask for those you trust to hold you accountable if they see you acting in a triggered or disassociated state. However, be careful who you choose to help you in that regard. Ideally, it should be people who love you and support you unconditionally (i.e. spouse, parent, best friend, therapist, mentor, etc.).
⦁ If you feel off or threatened, remember… triggers are the easiest things to be scared of. Nothing comes close, I promise. All fear comes from things we have experienced or have seen others experience. In that sense, fear itself is more of a response to triggers than the cause of them. As you embrace this thought, you will begin the process of balance.
⦁ What you will be balancing is the past trauma with the present reality. You are learning how to be safe in the present, without the past impairing your judgement or actions. Conversely, it will help you remember just how safe you are with the positive people and things in your life.
⦁ Be patient with yourself and others. It’s easy to get frustrated with oneself when their therapist or loved one says the oft-repeated, “Hey, it’s ok. You’re just triggered.” There is often guilt, unintentional denial, and mental/emotional fatigue. That fatigue is usually due to the rotten feeling of being tired of the process every time another trigger comes up. But, I promise, it gets better. And the more open and focused you are in dealing with your triggers, the faster the process gets as well.
⦁ And, remember, those who are in your corner are coming from a place of legitimate concern and support. Even if they are incorrect or unintentionally over-zealous. Just caring for someone else who is hurting can affect the caregiver by empathy alone. Remember that, not to attack yourself, but to understand where they are coming from. So much healing happens when we start reconnecting with our loved ones/safe people. They are hard to find. But when you do find them, you will also find they are on your team always! And you are the same for them!
⦁ Find a therapist that practices EMDR or EMI so you can properly work through any triggers or traumas that may be keeping you stuck in your life!
I really want to end this newsletter on that note. Remember, as human beings, we have the power to turn our hardest struggles into our most powerful strengths. It is never achieved alone, and takes time and effort. But healing from one’s triggers is one of the most essential places to start in therapy!
I wish you all the best,
Lynne Penn-Leon, LCSW-C